The Ballad of Patches and Black

By: Sancero Posted on: January 31, 2008

-The Ballad of Patches and Black-

(and a Taxidermist)

'Twas a typical day in the town of Jaru.

All the merchants were busy, and the fishermen too.

There were ships to unlade, there were crates to unpack,

and for one little kitten, a plan to enact.

See, this kitten named Patches has once ruled the town.

His cuteness and charm had won worldwide renown.

But soon Patches' catdom was under attack

by a little retriever whom we all know as Black.

Now Black made friends quickly, being so doggone cute

but his mental capacities were less than acute.

So he never suspected when Patches showed up

that the kitten had planned to dispose of the pup!

"Hey Patches! What's up? It's nice out, wouldn't you say?

How's your girl and her dad? Did you bring them to play?"

Black asked his friend this with a tilt of his head.

But Patches was trembling with fear as he said:

"Oh pup, it's no good. I've got just the worst news.

That girl doesn't love me. It was all just a ruse!

Black, you'll never believe this! I heard that her pop

has his very own certified pet-stuffing shop!

He kills 'em and guts 'em and fills them with fluff,

and I'm sure he'll come looking for us soon enough!"

The dog was nonplussed by his friend's allegation

that Charlie could claim such a horrid vocation.

"You're pulling my tail! This is some kind of trick.

Do you think just because I'm a dog, I'm that thick?"

With the tiniest sniffle, little Patches then sighed,

"Take a look for yourself and you'll see I don't lie."

So they crept down the street, little Patches and Black,

and stopped just in front of ol' Charlie's ol' shack.

Black tried to be sneaky, but he didn't succeed.

He was spotted by Charlie immediately.

"Well hey, little pup! Did you come here to play?

I've been cooped up inside for at least half a day."

He wore on his face quite a sinister grin,

but Black didn't notice and waltzed right on in.

To dogs, the word 'play' is a very good sound

so Black waggled his tail and cavorted around.

Charlie reached for a club which he always kept near.

"Would you like to play fetch? I've a nice stick right here..."

Outside, Patches snickered. He knew Black was done,

because Charlie plus dog equals dog minus one.

He stood at the door with his ear to the wall,

and gleefully listened to hear club against skull.

When the sound never came, the cat peeked inside,

and there was ol' Charlie with Black at his side!

With a joyful yip-yip, the dog romped off with the man

and poor Patches was left to think up a new plan.