A Magic Show, By Elora de'Ehre
By: Elora Posted on: January 10, 2006
This is a skit that I wrote with underlying themes of Etiquette.
The curtain rises on a smoky stage. Small bursts of lightning can be seen, illuminating a tall figure through the smoke. A tall top hat rests between two perky Rajamalan ears. His arms are outspread, paws clutching a cape, casting an eerie shadow out into the audience as he cackles menacingly.
Another flash of lightning and one more cackle, yet the Raja still stands there, arms outspread. A few moments later, he motions over his shoulder and lets out a soft coughing noise, almost as if he's trying to get someone's attention.
A faint "Oops!" can be heard from behind the curtain on stage right, and a curvaceous Siren wearing less-than-modest clothing comes swaying out, her hands stretched upright into a V position above her head. She gives the Raja an apologetic smile and says, "Welcome, one and all to The Magnificient... uh... um..." She pauses a moment before leaning over to the Raja, whispering "What's your name again?"
The Raja heaves a heavy sigh and tries to whisper discreetly to the Siren, "The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus! Why can't you ever remember what I tell you!"
Immediately straightening her pose up again, she points both of her arms toward the Raja and says in a voice so syrupy it could make you sick, "Welcome to The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus' Magic Show!"
Finally getting his introduction, The Magnificient Felinus Pouncerus takes a bow. He snaps his fingers and whips his hand around in the air, and before your eyes, a scarf appears. Waving the scarf over the top of his magic wand, he mutters a few "secret" words and whips his hand away, revealing a gorgeous, if not overly colourful, bouquet of flowers in its place, which wilt as quickly as they arrived.
Quickly, the Raja shoves the wilted bouquet into the Sirens hands and says, obviously flustered, "Um, yes! Thank you, my precious assistant, the Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle! Now, for my next trick, I require my magical, mystical top hat!" He looks expectantly at the Siren, his hand thrust out to her, obviously expecting a hat in return.
The Siren smirks at the Raja and points a well-groomed finger at the Top Hat on his head.
The Raja blushes furiously and pulls the hat off his head, turning it rim-side-up on top of the table which is now standing in front of him, thanks to his assistant.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus takes a moment to collect himself and then says, "Righto, my next trick! I am going to produce a dragon from my top hat! Watch closely, as I have nothing under the table, nor in the hat!" He pulls up the cloth on the table and turns over the hat, pounding on the top of it to show that he has nothing hidden.
Snapping his fingers, the Raja whips another magic wand out of midair and waving it in the direction of the hat utters, "Hocus pocus and magical flagons, make me a lucky Raja and produce me a dragon!" A faint, "Please?" can be heard uttered under his breath.
A moment passes and nothing happens. The Raja looks over to the Siren who shrugs and runs her fingers through her already perfect hair.
Walking up to the hat, the Raja rolls up his sleeve and reaches one paw tentatively into the top hat. He rummages around for a second, until he stops, a look of horror crossing his cute kitty face. Meowing and hissing insanely, the Raja begins to be dragged into the hat, which nearly swallows him whole, save for his wildly flailing feet which the Siren struggles not to be hit by as she tries to keep him from sinking all the way in.
Two stage managers from either side of the stage come running out, dressed in all black and grab hold of the Raja's feet, and after some long straining and more muffled meows for help, finally pull the Raja out.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus stumbles about the stage, his cape and shirt ripped and his hair heavily tousled. He coughs and a flurry of dust flies out of his mouth.
Trying to cover up the obviously awry trick, the Siren does a quick bow in front of the Raja and says, "The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus, Ladies and Gents! Now for his next and last trick…."
The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle wheels out a huge square, soundproof glass tank full of water onto the stage. On top of it rests a metal top, two feet bindings hanging down into the water below. Over her arm rests a white straight jacket, and plenty of ropes, chains, and locks.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus almost faints, a horrified look contorting his face.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus says to the Siren, shaking his head, eyes wide with fear, "Oh no ... no no no No NO!" The Siren just ignores him and beckons the Stage Assistants to help her pry the heavy top off the tank.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus screams, "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME GIRL? I SAID I CAN'T DO THAT!"
The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle soothes The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus, her hand gently stroking his fur, "Of course you can! You're The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus!"
The Raja flaps his arms about madly and says, "I'm only up to page five in Magic for Dummies!" The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle picks up the pure white straight jacket, holding it out toward the Raja as she walks toward him.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus says, "Hey... don't bring that straight jacket near me!"
The Siren walks towards The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus, straight jacket in hand, and pounces on him. After a flurry of dust and fur, The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle emerges, carrying a heavily bound Felinus Pouncerus.
Looking out into the audience and struggling uselessly against the confinement of the jacket, The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus exclaims, "Somebody stop her! She's mad! She's going to KILL me!"
The Siren climbs up the ladder to the top of the tank, slowly and dramatically lowering Raja into it. Arching his back slightly and releasing a feline hiss at the Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle, the Raja deftly places his feet on the rim of the tank, refusing to go in.
The Raja heaves another plea for help as the Siren pushes the Raja harder into the tank, the Raja's toes curling over the edges, claws leaving small scratches in the soundproof glass, screaming, "You're going to -DROWN- me!"
The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle gives one final shove, and The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus falls helplessly into the tank. Pulling him up by his feet, she swiftly straps his feet into the foot restraints, and lowers the lid as the Raja blows some helpless bubbles.
The Siren stumbles down the ladder, clutching her back from carrying the heavy feline. She poses, hands thrust cheesily toward the glass tank as the curtain lowers. Moments go by, turning into a minute, and nearly two as the curtain rises again on the stage. The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle, completely oblivious to anything besides her hangnail, is leaning her back against the tank, filing at it furiously.
The Raja is still moving, but turning blue in the face. His struggles, though weakening, seem to be concentrated now on writhing free his left arm. The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle continues to file at that pesky hangnail, still oblivious to the nearly drowning Raja.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus flashes a smile of victory as his arm comes free.
The Raja slips his arm from out of the straightjackets sleeve, frantically scrabbling at something underneath the jacket. Accidentally, he touches a web tattoo, and a net of webs shoot out, hit off the glass and gather around the Raja. Finally, after writhing his arm free a second time, the Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus touches another tattoo and disappears in a blaze of prismatic light, to appear a moment later beside his "assistant" waterlogged, still encumbered in a straightjacket, and mad as hell.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus damply taps The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle on her shoulder.
The Siren holds up her index finger to The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus, signaling him to wait until she is done, and quickly continues her filing.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus screams at the Siren, "Mad woman! What were you doing?! Trying to -KILL- me?!"
The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle just continues filing her nails and completely ignores all shouts from The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus, and anyone else. Upon finishing she snaps back to reality, looking utterly confused.
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus screams at The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle, "IF IT WASN'T FOR MY PRISM TATTOO, I'D BE A DEAD RAJA!"
The Siren, obviously not paying attention to anything that happened in the last couple of minutes looks curiously at the Raja and asks him, "What happened? It didn't work?"
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus takes some deep breaths visibly straining to calm himself, before exclaiming, "You weren't listening to me, that's what happened, and if it wasn't for luck and the shoddy tailoring of this jacket, I'd be dead right now!"
The Siren looks unmoved and shrugs, "I'm sorry... I was daydreaming. I thought you could handle it without me."
Shaking his head and still dripping wet, The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus exclaims to his assistant, The Lovely Dumbelle Ashelle, "You're fired!"
The Magnificent Felinus Pouncerus stalks off leaving a trail of small puddles. As the curtain lowers, you catch sight of him tripping over the dragging straight jacket, landing with a loud -THUD- as the curtain hits the stage.