An Awkward Conversation

By: Aztoria Posted on: January 30, 2008

A skit, written to be performed in the Scarlattan Theatre of Delos.

[Blackness. Lights slowly fade in.]

[On a boat, a male priest and a female apostate. Neither seem keen to be seen with the other, and occupy different corners of the boat, trying to get as far away as possible. Gareth is in the middle, rowing. The guardian angel and the baalzadeen face each other. Neither make a move to attack the other, for fear of shaking the boat.]

[It is ironically sunny and warm.]

[Gareth shifts, all too aware of the tension.]

[Pause. The sun beats down harshly.]

Baalzadeen: [in an attempt to make conversation] ...Nice day, isn't it.

Angel: yes, it's nice. [suspicious] ...What do you want?

Baalzadeen: [shrugs] Was just trying to be friendly.

[Both notice the strange irony and look at their respective partners; the mortals don't seem to notice the conversation.]

Baalzadeen: Seeing as this journey has a ways to go and neither of us can attack the other, I figured it was better than staring daggers at each other for another five hours.

[Angel sighs, stretches and fluffs her wings. Stardust is sent flying everywhere. Baalzadeen turns to avoid the shower. Gareth keeps rowing, glancing at the two entities suspiciously.]

Angel: I suppose so. [petulantly] Neither of us can do a thing right now. May as well talk. [pauses thoughtfully.] But what is there to talk about? You're Evil...I'm Good. About as similar as Light to Darkness and Chaos to Order. This conversation shouldn't EXIST.

Baalzadeen: Hn. [growls and licks his wicked fangs.] Let's not debate our ideologies. There's enough of that on the newsboards. Why debate them when you can simply CRUSH your opposition? [smirks at Priest. Priest does not notice and dozes off. Apostate stares far out to sea, then sleeps as well.]

[Angel instinctively raises an aura around the sleeping Priest, who shifts his grip on his besigiled mace.]

Angel: [irritated] I could say the same for you, though I'm loathe to kill without trying to convert one to Good. They say there's never a lost cause among the mortals, though demons like you are a different story. [glances at Apostate, then raises a shield around her too as a second thought]

[pause. Baalzadeen chuckles harshly. Apostate shifts in her seat, then resumes sleeping.]

Baalzadeen: That certainly explains your partner's status as a Mark, right? [gestures expansively] Whether they live or die, care for others or slay them, convert or not convert...The path which they walk is not mine to dictate. I just enjoy the ride. And...perhaps the tearing out of souls. I'm sure you've done similar things.

Angel: ...I don't enjoy it. I do it because it's necessary, because he asks.

Baalzadeen: [ironically] Usually with a monk to make it easier, right?

Angel: Don't say that like you've never done it.

Baalzadeen: Monks make everything easier. Catharsis...Vivisection...

Angel: [Echoing] Absolve...Judgement.

Gareth: [Cheerfully] Incinerate!

[Both Angel and Baalzadeen turn to Gareth in surprise.]

Gareth: ...What? 'S true. Enfeeble helps kill ninety-nine percent of adventurers being teamed.

[Angel and Baalzadeen stare at Gareth in disbelief.]

Gareth: I just wanted to join in, since we're listing monk-assisted slaying techniques...[trails off]

[Still staring.]

Gareth: ...going back to rowing now.

[pause. Baalzadeen turns to Angel again.]

Baalzadeen: Do you really think we're all that different, besides our looks and the so-called forces of Good and Evil that we work for? Sure, you look a bit shinier and prettier than me...but we do basically the same thing.

Angel: Well...um...

Baalzadeen: If you admit it, I will too.

Angel: ...At least we're not Chaos entities. Now those are REALLY annoying.

[Baalzadeen smirks.]

Baalzadeen: They're quite...efficient at killing, though it takes quite a number of them together to be really irritating.

Angel: But don't you ever get bored with death? It doesn't seem to resolve anything.

Baalzadeen: Just be glad you're not an apostate. She gets whined at more than you do, likely. "Oh nooo, evileyes is too powerful! You lamed me to death!" and blah blah blah. In the words of my partner, sometimes people just 'fail at curing'.

Angel: I get accused of shielding him. Hello, I'm a GUARDIAN angel? Not a sit-around-and-do-nothing-while-the-priest- dies angel. Sheesh. [pause]...though it does happen quite a lot.

Baalzadeen: Never a thanks either, am I right? Never a smile, a hug...

Angel: She doesn't thank you, either. ...You'd be awkward to hug in any case. Spiny and...painful-looking.

[The two fall silent awkwardly; thankfully, the boat docks. Gareth coughs loudly to wake the two mortal passengers.]

Gareth: All passengers...We have arrived at the shore. Please gather your personal belongings and disembark in an orderly manner. [more quietly] without killing each other please.

[Apostate wakes with a start, blinking at the shield around her; Priest rubs his eyes, then pokes curiously at the aura around him. He shrugs and hefts his pack, beckoning to the angel as he steps off the boat. Angel follows with a weary sigh. Apostate and Baalzadeen disembark as well, after a while. Gareth tends to his ship, clearly unsettled.]

Gareth: ...they don't pay me enough, honestly. Angels and Demons being friendly with each other...holding a conversation that adventurers can't hear but I can...I think I'm going nuts.

[pause.]

Gareth: They'd BETTER not talk all the way back too.

[fade to black]