By: Kaden Posted on: February 27, 2012
My body felt like lead, as I tried to open eyes that had not seen light in ages. Even with my eyes closed, the brightness of the sun overloaded my senses and my eyes shut tight, forcing me to wait while it adjusted. Finally, I wiped away tears with arms that refused to move easily and opened my eyes.
A familiar scene played before me despite the painful light. I smiled, as I immediately noticed Blu, his huge form just as I remembered it on the day I left. My reappearance in the realms seemed to go unnoticed by those around me. There were a number of people talking in groups or keeping to themselves. The assortment of weapons and otherwise eclectic look marked them out as different from the guards. They were adventurers then, though there was no one among them that I recognized.
The Cyrenian air finally got through my disorientation by sending a particularly harsh chill through the metal of the ring on my left hand. I froze. I was suddenly minutely aware that I was experiencing something I had always found amusing in others who had been gone for so long--I was stark naked!
I blushed immediately. The warmth from all the blood rushing to my face would have been pleasant had it not been for the reason behind it and I fled, as quickly as I could. I hid out in an alley. Focusing on the telepathic city chatter, I noticed a familiar voice and zeroed in on her with a message. I alerted her to my predicament while I hunkered down and hoped I didn't turn into a solid block of ice while I waited. "It could've been worse," I told myself, as my teeth chattered; "I could've woken up in the middle of a snowstorm." It was a small comfort all things considered. A very very small comfort.
The sound of flapping wings alerted me to a new presence and I raised my head to see someone landing in the alley in front of my hiding place. I hid myself further behind the barrel I had appropriated as my refuge. Only my eyes peeked out to regard the mirthful look on my friend's face. She moved closer in that graceful motion that was half walk and half glide that most Atavians eventually mastered and slid me a set of clothes. "Well, you certainly took your time," I said, a little bit more pointedly than I had intended. "What would you have done if you've found me frozen solid, Skelly?"
She kept her easy smile, as she pulled a vial from her belt. "I'd have been forced to apply caloric on you, then," she said with a wink. "Although I must say that I'm relieved that it didn't have to come to that. Need it, though?"
I looked at her and suppressed a shiver as I grabbed for the vial greedily. Removing the stopper, I kept hidden, doing furtive little motions to preserve what scrap of dignity I had left. It didn't help that she took it all in with that sparkle in her eye. "I certainly hope this doesn't wind up in the poetry boards," I muttered, looking accusingly at the instrument case strapped on her back. She looked at me with feigned innocence, as if the thought hadn't even crossed her mind. My eyes narrowed into thin slits, though my attention was eventually taken away by the difficulties of trying to put on trousers in a compromising location.
I finished by hastily draping the cloak around my shoulders and fastening it with a brooch. Only then did I let her approach. I winced when she enveloped me in a hug. I never did get used to the way other Cyrenians so readily touched each other. Even that thought sounded wrong. I couldn't help but smile, as she chattered on, though, asking the usual questions of how I was and updating me to everything that had changed while I was gone.
I let her lead me, eager to hear the news while keeping a particularly anxious ear out for word of someone. My finger involuntarily fiddled with the ring on my finger--the only thing that had been immune to the touch of Lord Aeon in my person. She smiled, as she brought me to Cafe Ruminic, anticipating my need for good warm food before promptly announcing my presence on the city channel to the rest of the old fossils who were still around.
The soup warmed me, as I drank it down. Sighing in satisfaction, I immediately turned my head as I heard the door open. I smiled despite the nagging disappointment, as old friends began to appear. The afternoon was spent in talk with the cafe kept increasingly busy by the constant demand for food and drinks. We talked of old glories and of the things I missed. They told me about their new children and who they wound up marrying or divorcing and all the politics and drama of being alive. I toyed with the ring on my finger through it all and suppressed my disappointment more and more. The smiles and laughter came easily but a lingering thought nagged at the back of my head, as my fingers continued to touch the familiar ring.
By the time night fell, it was just me and Skelly again. We were walking through the nearly empty streets, as she accompanied me home. I had asked her if she had anything better to do but she wouldn't hear of it. It was as if she needed to treat me as some handicap just because I was approaching my second century of existence. I was glad for the company though, as I kept turning the ring around my finger again and again. It was a miracle that I hadn't worn it down with all my restlessness.
I hesitated, frowning at a grate, as I tried to find the courage to ask the question I've been meaning to ever since I returned. I gave a small smile, trying to appear nonchalant. "Is she still around?" I finally managed to say.
Skelly's sunny disposition faded completely. It was all I needed to know. "No," she said. "She..." Skelly trailed off, clearly unsure about what to say.
My heart sank. "I see..." I didn't know what to say or do. "I thought that she'd still be around," I said. "I mean...I didn't think she'd wait for me...but even then..." I sighed, trying to think things through. "I just thought she'd always be here..."
Skelly kept silent, letting me ramble on. She only spoke again when my voice finally subsided. "She waited," she said finally, her voice as distant as the memories. "Smiled and waited and said that you'd return when you did...she never voiced doubt, although it was obvious how much it wore her down. Then she just disappeared much like you did..."
I shuddered and pulled away as she reached out to comfort me. She tried again but I stopped her and asked her to leave me be for now. I continued on my own, leaving her frowning in the middle of the street.
Our house was desolate amidst the rows of occupied homes. I stared numbly at the door and noted how the magical sigils protecting our home from incursion had long turned to dust. Entering, I paused long enough to close the door behind me and light a candle before I continued inward. The smell of dust permeated the air, further adding weight to my downcast mood.
I frowned, as I set the candle down and immediately noticed something on one of the small tables in the room. It was a parchment yellowing in age but otherwise perfectly preserved. I picked it up and unrolled it. My heart stopped, as I scanned the contents. It was a poem written in her flowing script.
~*~
Your voice still echoes clearly in my head,
Despite the unyielding passage of time,
Your absence left me wishing I were dead,
And wonder if I have committed crimes?
What other reasons to leave did you have?
New worlds for your wandering soul perhaps?
Did you even think of the heart you've halved,
When you left me for a world without maps?
You left no portals that I can follow,
No way or avenue for me to run,
Could you tell me: was our love that shallow?
And has our time set like the midday sun?
These questions I whisper to empty air,
Who else would listen? You're not here to care.
~*~
I laughed. There was no mirth in it but the rather the cracked laughter of one whose heart had been sundered. A detached part of me couldn't help but label it as amateur work but even that reminded me of her and of the way she tried so hard to make words rhyme. I hugged the parchment close and curled up on the couch. I ignored the dust and lay still. Sometime later, the candle lost its light and everything went dark.
I was awakened by sunlight hitting my face. I tossed and turned, trying to ignore it before the discomfort finally forced me out of my position. Sleep had not done much to improve my mood. I stood up, frowning as I left the parchment and dragged my feet. There was no food of course but I ignored my hunger, as I meandered around for a place that the sun didn't hit.
Hours passed and I began a circuit of our home for lack of something to do. Hunger still gnawed at my stomach. It was a lingering presence that nagged as insistently as I ignored it. The rooms passed by in a cascade of memories and I realized that I had lied to Skelly the other night. I had expected her to be here, waiting. I felt betrayed by that realization. Betrayed and annoyed at how unreasonable the thought was considering I was the one who had disappeared first.
I stopped before the music room. Apprehension filled me. This was our favourite room, the room where we had spent so much time together. The echo of her voice came to mind unbidden and I almost shuddered, as images accompanied it. The way her eyes closed when she concentrated on playing music and the way she would open them to look at me.
I reached out to open the door but stopped when I heard the sound of Skelly calling out my name. Turning towards the source, I walked back to the sitting room to find her there. "Skelly? She gave your permissions to the house, huh?"
Skelly nodded. "Just some parts of the house. Don't worry, it's not like I can sneak up on you in your sleep or anything." She paused, letting her mischievous smile die. "I tried calling out… You weren't responding to my tells. Is...is everything okay?"
"Everything's...fine..."
"Really? You look like you've been chased by a pack of rabid Mhaldorians. Why haven't you shown your face outside?"
"I was...uhm...cleaning..."
She looked around at the pitiful, dust-caked room and sighed deeply. "Alright," she said without hint of mocking or reproach. "I'll help you out, then."
"No, I'm fine, really," I started but she wouldn't have any of it and soon enough, I was on my arms and knees scrubbing the floor while she dusted every single surface. We made good headway, clearing out a number of rooms and hunting down the rats that had romped through the house unchecked before the encroaching dark told us it was time to stop.
"I'm hungry. Do you have food?"
"Uhm..."
She looked at me frankly. "Have you even eaten anything at all?" My silence condemned me and she sighed. "Come along then. Let's go buy something to eat. I'll pay."
My stomach rumbled. "I'm fine," I forced myself to say. The activity had forced the poem out of my mind but the pause had made me aware of the parchment once again.
She looked at me flatly. "That wasn't open to negotiation. Now come along or I'll force these down your throat," she said, waving the dead rats we've caught for Jorj threateningly. I looked at her earnest face and laughed. It felt good and I nodded my agreement.
The cleaning continued for days, and I felt as if my soul was being cleansed alongside all the dust and mice droppings that had accumulated. Other friends came to help but it was Skelly who was most constant among my helpers. Finally, we had advanced to the bedroom. It was the second to the last room. I had
begged off on cleaning the music room for last."Hey," Skelly said, as I rearranged the chairs in the room. I grunted in acknowledgement, and she continued on, hesitantly. "Want to go out for supper again tonight?"
I blinked, looking at Skelly. "I don't know..." I said. I looked at her face and I frowned, as I thought about it. "I supposed it wouldn't hurt..." I said and smiled at the way she beamed like the sun.
She cursed a few minutes shortly, and I turned around. "What is it?"
"House matters. Of all the rotten--I have to run. I'll see you at the cafe before the sun sets?"
I nodded, looking around me at all the work that was left. "Don't worry about it. I'll manage."
"Uhmm...the door, please?"
"Oh, right! I forgot. Sorry about that," I said, as I jogged over to help her out of the room.
"Thanks, I can get out from here. See you soon."
I continued my work methodically. It was while cleaning a stack of books that I noticed the second parchment. It was unrolled and stamped between the thicker volumes. The same flowing script in three quatrains and a couplet caught my eye. Amateur and honest, I found myself unable to do anything but read on.
~*~
In this pained silence, I have asked myself,
What it means to love and be loved in turn?
To give your heart over and risk yourself,
To the consequences of being spurned.
I think only of you when I close my eyes,
I still remember your look and your smile,
Which was brighter than the clearest of skies,
And I dream of your return for a while.
And in my dream you reach out to hold me,
Close your eyes, lean in and kiss my forehead,
And say that I'll no longer be lonely,
But when I wake, I find silence instead.
A haunting echo, filling me with grief,
Leaving me empty-handed, you damned thief.
~*~
The pain washed over me again like a deluge. I looked at my ring finger, noting the absence of the ring that I had put aside days before. I frowned at the letter, wondering over what it was I was thinking exactly when I had accepted Skelly's invitation. It wasn't fair to Skelly, I realized. Not when words written by a ghost still haunted me so terribly. It wasn't fair to her...but neither was letting the night pass without any attempt to explain why I had not bothered to come.
I locked myself in for a whole day. Skelly came the next morning. She knocked at the door but I refused to answer her. Another day past and then another until I could no longer hear her voice asking me to come out.
It was late at night when I finally emerged from my hiding place. Nightmares of the ghost that haunted me still kept me awake and I found myself unable to bear staying in the bedroom any longer. I felt half awake and feverish as I moved almost by instinct, only barely aware of the loud sounds of a powerful Vashnarian thunderstorm raging outside.
Opening the door to the music room, I drew in breath as I saw her for the first time in ages. I frowned, as she sat there, playing the harp she loved so much. The music was beautiful and haunting. An unreal glow surrounded her, making her appear like a spirit and I frowned, as I reached out and called her name. She looked at me and smiled and took my hand, as I drew closer. Standing, she led me to one of the nearby chests. The music continued to play; keeping me entranced despite the fact there was no one manning the instruments.
Her presence soothed me. I opened my mouth to speak to her but she raised a finger to her lips and opened the chest, pressing something into my hand. Lightning flashed, drowning the room in light before plunging it completely in darkness. When my eyes adjusted, she was simple gone. I fled the room, forgetting to close the door behind me in my haste to lock myself in the bedroom once more. I huddled on the bed, feverish and alone as the skies raged over me.
My fever broke sometime during the night. I woke up weak but refreshed. The storm had cleared sometime that night, as well and fresh sunlight entered from a window, bathing the room in welcome warmth. I noticed the birds singing for the first time and I frowned, as I noticed the journal I was clutching close to my heart. I pulled myself up and flipped it open to the middle only to find the page empty. Moving to the first page, I frowned once more, as I saw yet another poem.
~*~
Decades have passed while I waited for you,
And I still have not found a trace or clue,
My feelings have waxed, waned and waxed anew,
So I thought it high time to write your due,
Know that in all these years I've remained true,
Endured pain and a thousand bitter tears,
And ignored the men who wanted a beau,
They could not compare despite being dears.
I choose to leave because I love you so,
I wish to linger in those memories,
Do you still love me? You might just say no,
So I'll just go far away overseas.
That's a lie: I know that you still love me,
Now go on with your life. Find love. Be free!
~*~
It was amateur and sickeningly sweet in a way only a Cyrenian poem could be. I set the letter down, and let out a long, drawn out sigh of relief before I started laughing in pure joy. A memory of her surfaced, smiling and serene, and I whispered a soft "thank you" as it faded into the depths of my mind once more.
I pulled myself from the bed carefully, taking my time to ensure my balance. The sound of music from a harp filled the air from the direction of the music room. I opened the door, stopped to consider the ring on my finger and nodded as I removed it and placed it in a place of honour on the table. A voice burst out in sweet song, as I stepped out into the hallway and my smile widened. It was not the voice of a ghost from the past. I calmed myself with a deep breath and stepped into the future.