Tyehr's first Logosmas.

By: Tyehr Posted on: December 30, 2010

Those are my memories of that night 30 years ago. Warped by time and Trial of Rebirth, they strangely do not appear like memories of myself at all, but rather of a separate entity, that of a little boy, barely six, going on seven, bearing my name. I penned those memories as such, as an observer, rather than participant. That's why they read more like a story than a page from my journal.

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"It's time to go" a familiar voice whispered urgently in his dream. Tyehr was fully awake in an instant. Outside the window clouds parted and stars winked into existence illuminating the world with tales of myth and legends. White blanket of snow covering the land responded with glimmers of hope and readiness.

"We're lucky too" small Atavian boy was saying. "Not all children can have a real Logosmas like us, many are called to the grown-up world before Logosmas comes around. And Logosmas there is just not the same, grownups don't understand it at all. Biggest excitement for them are snowmen, stockings and peppermint candy canes! Pity, indeed."

Tyehr nodded his head solemnly. It was true, next Logosmas won't be coming for another 30 years, he was told. Children born in the next 12 years will never know the Real Logosmas. He felt special, chosen. He was filled with mix of excitement and trepidation and so many other strange and wondrous feelings he could barely comprehend and contain within himself, wondrous expectations of great things he was to experience tonight.

The Atavian boy spread two large wings and Tyehr opened the window. Swiftly and silently they entered the crystal-clear night sky, Tyehr secure between the soft yet powerful wings of his feathered companion. Together they made many trips before but this one was of Logosmas importance, the most important flight of their young lives.

They knew where to go, the very top of Great Rock, an old crone told them. Great Rock was their special secret place; every child had their own to travel to tonight.

Tyehr was glad that Great Rock was chosen for them. He was there before with his father to listen to the low gravely voice of heavy stones grinding each word into perfection, intoning the story of Lord Sartan, of the fall of Iron Citadel and creation of his city. Story of sacrifice and loyalty, hardship and victory. His Gods' visages appearing with sharp, cruel features and Lord Shaitan's touch of the bestial in his pitiless eyes, reflecting the reality of the world around, were always a source of comfort to him, though he was too young to understand why.

With the firmament above filled with brightness of billions of stars, the Great Rock glistened tonight in black and silver formality of the occasion. The entire plateau, like the rest of the world, was covered in thick layer of pristine snow, shimmering in tune with the magic of heavens above. Miles of dark forest were spread to the North like a huge tapestry. Massive wall of rocky Vashnar Mountains was looming to the West, then gracefully curving southeast to disappear into the distant darkness of the night. Down below, the magnificent Pachacacha river was seen in its glory welcoming the silk ribbon of Urubamba into its fold.

Neither made a sound for few moments taking in the splendour surrounding them. Hearts pounding in their chests with anticipation, they felt the importance of both the place and the moment.

As per old crone's instructions, Tyehr clambered on top of a large stone pedestal and took three candles out from his satchel. He then carefully planted the candles in the snow to form a triangle. Around them he drew a circle with the tip of his brother's dirk and lit the candles with the tinderbox he got from the kitchen cupboard.

Finally, he pulled out three corpses of baby rats. He was proud, he slew them all by himself. He only started to rat few months ago, but was already pretty good in healing himself quickly from their bites, and his kicks were getting stronger and more accurate with each hunt.

He bowed his head with respect and offered the rats one by one to Lord Logos. He wished he had more, but that was all he was able to get this time.

In the flickering light of the candles their eyes were glowing with intensity and wonder.

They started to chant:

" Logosmas magic, Logosmas might, Logosmas wishes, Make them true tonight... "

When a tall and lithe troll entered from the South, they lowered their heads respectfully, just in case. Even with candles and the multitude of bright stars, it was impossible to see the stranger's face, except for the eyes, a dark cloak covered the rest of the body. Surprisingly, they felt no fear, they felt invincible tonight.

Before the boys had a chance to gather their thoughts, troll spoke with a youthful Mannaseh'ian accent.

"Hail, young men. My name is Milla. Do you know why Lord Logos send me here to meet you both tonight?"

"Hail, Lady Milla, aye, it is Logosmas! It's a night when every child can make one wish and Lord Logos grants them all."

Lady Milla smiled: "Indeed, almost all", the word 'almost' was slightly stressed.

"And what is your wish, Tyehr?"

"I want to be a Knight, big and strong just like my father and everybody afraid of me" Tyehr said.

"And yours, Avreth?" she addressed the Atavian boy.

Avreth looked cautiously at Tyehr, but answered without hesitation. He had his wish ready for a long time now: "I, I want to be a real boy, not just Tyehr's imagination."

"No, no way!" Tyehr gasped. "No way, no!"

All the wondrous feelings within him suddenly collapsed... dropped into the snow with a muffled crush of a crystal ball breaking into a million shards... and the feeling of fear, of void started to swirl around him in a very threatening way.

He looked at Avreth. Avreth was looking down at his boots, biting his lips. He looked at Milla. Her eyes told him that she knew exactly how he felt.

"If you become real, you will not be able to be my friend any more. You know that I'm not allowed to have friends." He attempted to plead. "We will not see each other again".

His father did not allow any display of weakness in his house, no friendship was allowed, no affection of any kind. His marital union was created solely for the purpose of producing offspring to strengthen the ranks of the Maldaathi House. Training, training and more rigorous training day after day, with swift and harsh punishment for any display of weakness or for the slightest transgression, was the way Tyehr and his brothers were raised from the moment they took their first step, perhaps even earlier.

"I need you, Avreth... I want you with me... always..."

Avreth started to speak slowly and softly, but with strength Tyehr never seen in him before.

"Do you see how much you want to be like your father, big and strong and feared and respected Knight?"

Yes, that was something he wanted more than anything in the world.

"This is exactly how much I want to be real just like you are."

"But... but... why... ?" Tyehr stopped. He didn't care why. He felt betrayed. He clenched his teeth and narrowed his eyes. Avreth was his and his forever. He needed him and that was it, he could not bear the thought of facing the world alone. He will not allow this to happen.

After few moments of painful silence stretching into eternity, Milla started to speak again: "You both have very difficult, if not impossible, wishes to grant even with power of Lord Logos himself."

"Your wish, Avreth, can only be granted with Tyehr's consent. He's your creator, he willed you into existence, he's the only one able to set you free."

"Now, your wish Tyehr. No one, not even Highest Lord Logos, can transform you into a great man. Greatness is not something that can be gifted or something you can acquire in the shop selling wares. Greatness is more like a fullplate that can only be forged with your own hands. And you need to keep forging it and refining through your entire life, because Greatness will never become complete, its forging will never be finished. Others, even Gods, can only help you with this quest, set up the guidance points to follow, point the direction sometimes, help you notice examples of greatness around so you may follow the right footsteps. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Tyehr was not sure at all what he understood. His fear, his confusion clamouring helplessly within him were clouding his thoughts and his mind. He just wanted to cry.

"Now, think... why do you need Avreth so much?"

"Are you too little to stand on your own feet and need someone to hold on to?" Though Milla's voice was soft, it had a power helping him in regaining his controls. Her words were reverberating in his mind in a low, gravely voice.

He was not too little! He was six and a half already, going on seven! That was definitely not 'too little'.

"Are your legs withered and you need a crutch of friendship to get around?" Milla's voice continued to fill the plateau.

He looked at his legs. They were there, long and strong satyrian legs. Not withered at all. Hooves planted firmly in the snow, slightly stained with blood of baby rats he was hunting earlier.

"The decision is yours and yours alone to make. But if you want greatness and power, you cannot rely on crutches to get there. It has to be done on your own two feet, with your own hands."

Again, the silence was stretching into painful eternity.

"Yes, Lady Milla", Tyehr finally whispered "I understand." No crutches and no wings unless those were his own. With the strange sense of comfort he recognized all Milla's words. He heard them all before, intoning in his mind in low gravely voice of grinding stones, repeated by his father at every opportunity.

Tyehr was calm again. He knew that he had to do what had to be done. He looked at Avreth. There was no need for words. No need for goodbyes nor hugs.

He nodded slowly, deliberately. A bright Logosmas star shot down in response. In an instant Avreth was enveloped in a translucent white light. There was an ecstasy on Avreth's face as his features solidified, strengthened and changed ever so slightly and Avreth took his first real breath while his presence drained from Tyler's soul leaving nought but a searing tear, a void, an excruciating pain. With an emphatic nod and a triumphant smile Avreth raised his wings, his feet left the ground. He hovered there for a moment, looked at Milla and Tyehr one more time and with a radiant 'Thank you' in his eyes disappeared into the ether.

And now, it was his turn. As an extreme focus filled Milla's eyes, a bright red star shot down from the sparkling sky and the moist, thick red fog coloured the world around him. He could feel it burning his lips. It was sweet, as always, and satisfying. When the fog entered the void in his heart, void left by Avreth's departure, it turned dark, almost black. Few drops formed. He could feel them suspended there for a moment and then they dripped down one by one disappearing in some unknown recesses of his existence. Slowly, he could feel the burning void filling, like an empty mold, with cold, unfamiliar yet overwhelming power. And then he saw a path unfurling in front of him, a very clear beginning of the path towards the power and greatness he saw in his father. Journey through pain and loss and hardship, defeat and sacrifices, journey towards the glory of the ultimate Power of Evil.

And then he was, oh, so tired, his eyelids drooping, he struggled to keep them open.

The sky above was now lit with stars in various colours shooting down in all directions making the wishes of Achaean children come true in that very special Logosmas night.

The exhaustion finally took over, his eyes closed and he fell into a deep sleep.

...

He felt tagging at his shoulder and opened his eyes. The sun was already up. His mother was urging him to get ready for a new day of training and schooling. He was at home, in his own bed.

But everything looked different, it had a glow he never noticed before. In his hand he was gripping a small, insignificant looking feather.

And then he remembered. He clenched his teeth and small but victorious smile spread across his face. Yes, still only six and a half, going on seven, he was now bigger and stronger, no doubt about it. He understood now much better what had to be done so his Logosmas wish comes true and he becomes an epitome of Evil greatness, a Maldaathi Knight, one day.