On Pain

By: Nynevah Posted on: November 27, 2009

Subtitled: A Contemplation of the Mhaldorian Stance and its Benefits

17th of Lupar, year 524

To my esteemed colleagues,

In my years as an Occultist, since the time I left the disciplined monkhood of my youth behind, I have performed many experiments some would consider obscene. The pursuit of knowledge often has side effects, and there are casualties. This is a fact of life, and one we embrace gladly in order to broaden understanding of Sapience as a whole. None of these casualties, however, are for the sake of killing or to cause anguish, but rather as an acceptable loss in the pursuit of knowledge. There is where I find myself at a loss when it comes to Mhaldor's views on pain. The fact that it is considered integral to strengthening the individual is a thing I find curious. I have always regarded pain as incidental, a natural byproduct of the experimentation process. The best Occultist is one who does not let such reactions slow their knife. After all, one cannot stop in the middle of a vivisection and expect to pick right back up again where you left off.

Please bear with me through this proposal, for I know many of the ideas are odd ones.

The curious notion that through suffering one can become stronger intrigues me. Yes, a warrior suffers pain as he trains, but again, is that not simply a byproduct? The practice is what strengthens him, and not the agony he endures. However, sapient beings have a natural aversion to pain, and by suffering perhaps one is taught to avoid such behaviors. Pain may be used to block out things which are contrary to growth.

Conjecture the first: In using pain to develop antipathy to negative factors, sapient creatures are strengthened.

If pain in this instance is only intended as a teaching tool, to discourage from certain behaviors, then why is it often sought out by individuals? The student groveling before the master, the pilgrim denying themselves basic freedoms, such things are just as valid expressions of this desire to suffer. Still, one would think that if the impulse to avoid pain is so strong as to mold the individual, sapient creatures would not put themselves into the position to recieve it. With these things in mind, one can only come to the conclusion that individuals are predisposed to seek out pain.

Conjecture the second: Sapient creatures instinctively seek out punishment to encourage their own growth, due to basic primal urges.

These conjectures would be enough if not for one more aspect of what I wish to address. That would be the celebration of agony. Suffering used as a conduit to pleasure. One would naturally assume that the pleasure to be found in pain would be from the cessation of, and not the actual causing of physical or mental discomfort. This does not seem to be the case, however, and so we must dig deeper in order to comprehend. To live is to suffer. This is a leap we must make in order to comprehend. Pain is an integral part of the sapient experience, as Mhaldor understands. Without pain as a basis for judging pleasure against, both would cease to have any meaning. Pleasure can be found in pain when one no longer fears it, for understanding suffering in all its glory tears away the veil that places rigid boundaries on how to define sensations.

Conjecture the third: Suffering is intrinsically linked to pleasure, and to all things, and therefore must be understood and embraced.

By affirming these three conjectures through experimentation, study, and contemplation, I believe I can both comprehend the Mhaldorian viewpoint regarding suffering, while simultaneously disproving many of their more unsophisticated barbarities that are natural to those who fear freedom. (Much like their opposites of the 'Light', though we all know they are not nearly so bad.) I hope that by offering this outline I will encourage others to join my research, and participate in the experimental process.

Yrs,

Nynevah Savali