Difference between revisions of "A Matter of Taste"

in the southern stall was daintily arranging dozens of brightly-colored garments

in the southern stall was daintily arranging dozens of brightly-colored garments

within a vast wardrobe, softly singing nonsense syllables as he worked. Gunther

within a vast wardrobe, softly singing nonsense syllables as he worked. Gunther

sloping forehead. He had never seen so many sequins in his life. His mouth

sloping forehead. He had never seen so many sequins in his life. His mouth

scowled invisibly underneath a vast, coniferous beard.

scowled invisibly underneath a vast, coniferous beard.

Gunther glanced protectively at at his own wares. Several sets of black sealskin

Gunther glanced protectively at at his own wares. Several sets of black sealskin

present whereabouts - disemboweled, dismembered and washed up in three separate

present whereabouts - disemboweled, dismembered and washed up in three separate

places along the banks of the Urubamba.

places along the banks of the Urubamba.

"Well met, old bean!" The other tailor was approaching Gunther's stall, fussing

"Well met, old bean!" The other tailor was approaching Gunther's stall, fussing

lay at his hip and a tiny Siroccian fighting kitten with a torn ear and calico

lay at his hip and a tiny Siroccian fighting kitten with a torn ear and calico

coat followed at his heels.

coat followed at his heels.

"Bought out the abandoned stall across your way; hope you don't mind the

"Bought out the abandoned stall across your way; hope you don't mind the

make your acquaintance. This is Jumbles," he said, gesturing towards the kitten.

make your acquaintance. This is Jumbles," he said, gesturing towards the kitten.

Say hello, Jumbles!" Jumbles hissed.

Say hello, Jumbles!" Jumbles hissed.

"Gunther," grunted Gunther.

"Gunther," grunted Gunther.

"Ah! Charming, charming. Have you had this store long?"

"Ah! Charming, charming. Have you had this store long?"

"Years."

"Years."

"Years! What a surprise! I had no idea this clothing -" Myles gestured towards

"Years! What a surprise! I had no idea this clothing -" Myles gestured towards

Gunther's wares "- was so popular around here. You must have run the people

Gunther's wares "- was so popular around here. You must have run the people

across the street out of business." Myles was grinning slightly.

across the street out of business." Myles was grinning slightly.

"They come and go," said Gunther

"They come and go," said Gunther

"I see, I see," puzzled Myles. "And where are you from, old lad?"

"I see, I see," puzzled Myles. "And where are you from, old lad?"

"Ashtan."

"Ashtan."

"Of course, of course, my apologies." laughed Myles. "Originally, I mean."

"Of course, of course, my apologies." laughed Myles. "Originally, I mean."

"Kamleikan."

"Kamleikan."

"Bloody cold up there, what?" Myles laughed. "You are a tailor as well, yes? I

"Bloody cold up there, what?" Myles laughed. "You are a tailor as well, yes? I

it?" He glanced briefly at the assorted sealskin garments and winked knowingly

it?" He glanced briefly at the assorted sealskin garments and winked knowingly

at Gunther. "You can confide in me."

at Gunther. "You can confide in me."

"I have always been a tailor. I made clothes in Kamleikan. I left. Now I make

"I have always been a tailor. I made clothes in Kamleikan. I left. Now I make

them in Ashtan."

them in Ashtan."

"An interesting choice of profession for a man of your, shall we say, stature."

"An interesting choice of profession for a man of your, shall we say, stature."

curious, my good man. How many other Kamleikan tailors are there? I always

curious, my good man. How many other Kamleikan tailors are there? I always

strive to know my field of work."

strive to know my field of work."

"None." Gunther grunted.

"None." Gunther grunted.

"None? This is the height of tailoring in that cold wasteland?" Myles glanced

"None? This is the height of tailoring in that cold wasteland?" Myles glanced

skeptically at the oily sealskin clothing, appraising the somewhat pungent

skeptically at the oily sealskin clothing, appraising the somewhat pungent

smell. "Hey, where are you going?" The big man had turned to leave.

smell. "Hey, where are you going?" The big man had turned to leave.

"In," said Gunther. Myles was struck by a sudden afterthought.

"In," said Gunther. Myles was struck by a sudden afterthought.

"Why did you leave Kamleikan?" He called after Gunther.

"Why did you leave Kamleikan?" He called after Gunther.

"They said I dressed like a whore," growled the northman, as he trudged away in

"They said I dressed like a whore," growled the northman, as he trudged away in

his coat, trousers, boots and gloves of old black sealskin.

his coat, trousers, boots and gloves of old black sealskin.

***

***

The next day, Myles began advertising hourly on the telepathic Market channel.

The next day, Myles began advertising hourly on the telepathic Market channel.

to my store in Ashtan and let me show you what to wear. Free demonstration of

to my store in Ashtan and let me show you what to wear. Free demonstration of

what not to wear included, gratis, across the street at Gunther's. Ad 351."

what not to wear included, gratis, across the street at Gunther's. Ad 351."

A month went by. People were arriving in hordes to Myles' shop. Gunther could

A month went by. People were arriving in hordes to Myles' shop. Gunther could

"This is perfect. I've been looking so long for something that says, 'I'm not

"This is perfect. I've been looking so long for something that says, 'I'm not

just a clown! I'm a -Jester-! You know? Ridiculous, but with gravitas."

just a clown! I'm a -Jester-! You know? Ridiculous, but with gravitas."

"Lovely, the mother-of-pearl really brings the color of your scales!"

"Lovely, the mother-of-pearl really brings the color of your scales!"

"I've never seen glitter on a pair of tube socks before."

"I've never seen glitter on a pair of tube socks before."

"You know what I like about Myles? He's edgy. Not afraid to push the limit. And

"You know what I like about Myles? He's edgy. Not afraid to push the limit. And

fashions for free, every time I come to Market Street!" The man laughed and

fashions for free, every time I come to Market Street!" The man laughed and

gestured to Gunther's stall.

gestured to Gunther's stall.

Three days later, Gunther arrived at the Market District to find that someone

Three days later, Gunther arrived at the Market District to find that someone

had put up graffiti on the wall next to Myles's shop. In huge, loopy red

had put up graffiti on the wall next to Myles's shop. In huge, loopy red

letters, it read:

letters, it read:

Thither - a shop run by Gunther,

Thither - a shop run by Gunther,

Your lady-friend ought not to shop there,

Your lady-friend ought not to shop there,

No matter how charming,

No matter how charming,

She'll look so alarming,

She'll look so alarming,

The moment you see her, you'll punt her!

The moment you see her, you'll punt her!

On that day, Gunther decided he'd had enough.

On that day, Gunther decided he'd had enough.

***

***

Myles Forsythe staggered into the vestibule of the shop, fumbled with his keys,

Myles Forsythe staggered into the vestibule of the shop, fumbled with his keys,

matter, tailoring. With only that Kamleikan simpleton for competition, business

matter, tailoring. With only that Kamleikan simpleton for competition, business

had no place to go but-

had no place to go but-

Myles screamed.

Myles screamed.

Jumbles - most of him, anyway - was all over the floor, the walls, the wardrobe,

Jumbles - most of him, anyway - was all over the floor, the walls, the wardrobe,

of debauchery forgotten. Jumbles was dead; the dear little cat was where only

of debauchery forgotten. Jumbles was dead; the dear little cat was where only

the Great Mother could reach him.

the Great Mother could reach him.

Most of him, anyway. His skin was missing.

Most of him, anyway. His skin was missing.

***

***

"New design for the season?"

"New design for the season?"

Gunther looked where Myles was pointing. Next to the sealskin boots was another

Gunther looked where Myles was pointing. Next to the sealskin boots was another

pair identical in style, but made of some completely different material -

pair identical in style, but made of some completely different material -

furred, with calico patches.

furred, with calico patches.

"Yes."

"Yes."

"How unusual. " Myles wore an easy smile, betraying nothing other than an odd

"How unusual. " Myles wore an easy smile, betraying nothing other than an odd

stiffness about the lips. Gunther, watching him, considered the possibility of a

stiffness about the lips. Gunther, watching him, considered the possibility of a

misunderstanding.

misunderstanding.

"I made them out of your cat. I killed your cat. That is your cat's fur."

"I made them out of your cat. I killed your cat. That is your cat's fur."

The smile on Myles's lips stayed admirably motionless as a single mutinous vein

The smile on Myles's lips stayed admirably motionless as a single mutinous vein

throbbed violently in his temple. "You don't say," he finally managed. "I think

throbbed violently in his temple. "You don't say," he finally managed. "I think

I shall bid you adieu, sir."

I shall bid you adieu, sir."

Gunther spent the rest of the day as was his custom, looking into the middle

Gunther spent the rest of the day as was his custom, looking into the middle

one brick-like fist, wondering if he was seeing things. Something unspeakable

one brick-like fist, wondering if he was seeing things. Something unspeakable

had happened.

had happened.

Bits of sequins, lace, silk trim and sewing needles lay everywhere on the floor.

Bits of sequins, lace, silk trim and sewing needles lay everywhere on the floor.

couldn't bring himself to look at the trousers. No two garments had been

couldn't bring himself to look at the trousers. No two garments had been

vandalized alike, each one a unique snowflake of poor taste.

vandalized alike, each one a unique snowflake of poor taste.

Gunther stood there, frozen. After a while he gingerly began gathering up the

Gunther stood there, frozen. After a while he gingerly began gathering up the

them to the nearest humgii and let it devour them one by one, brushing the tears

them to the nearest humgii and let it devour them one by one, brushing the tears

away as quickly as they came.

away as quickly as they came.

***

***

"Take back your clothes. I don't want them."

"Take back your clothes. I don't want them."

"Ah, wonderful," beamed Myles, pausing from making haphazard slashes in a new

"Ah, wonderful," beamed Myles, pausing from making haphazard slashes in a new

You're sure you wouldn't rather put them on sale? I daresay you'll make a tidy

You're sure you wouldn't rather put them on sale? I daresay you'll make a tidy

profit from it, and I won't ask a sovereign for my commission."

profit from it, and I won't ask a sovereign for my commission."

"I don't want them. Take them back."

"I don't want them. Take them back."

Myles sighed. "Fine, fine, though you're only taking money out of your own

Myles sighed. "Fine, fine, though you're only taking money out of your own

down the stairs. Three shadowy figures clad in scalemail emerged from all around

down the stairs. Three shadowy figures clad in scalemail emerged from all around

him, each holding a whip on one hand and a dagger in the other.

him, each holding a whip on one hand and a dagger in the other.

Myles had only the briefest instant to wonder at how Gunther had possibly been

Myles had only the briefest instant to wonder at how Gunther had possibly been

their poisoned dirks, again and again and again, moment by moment imprisoning

their poisoned dirks, again and again and again, moment by moment imprisoning

Myles Forsythe ever more deeply within his own body.

Myles Forsythe ever more deeply within his own body.

All was still. Myles heard someone approach. Someone large, smelling faintly of

All was still. Myles heard someone approach. Someone large, smelling faintly of

seal blubber.

seal blubber.

"We Kamleikan," Gunther rumbled, "Have our own sort of poetry. We call it the

"We Kamleikan," Gunther rumbled, "Have our own sort of poetry. We call it the

'haiku.'" I will give you an example:

'haiku.'" I will give you an example:

'Foolish man.

'Foolish man.

You are stuck.

You are stuck.

I win.'"

I win.'"

Gunther locked the door on his way out. In the endless silence he left behind,

Gunther locked the door on his way out. In the endless silence he left behind,

the rapidly deteriorating mind of Myles Forsythe could think of only one

the rapidly deteriorating mind of Myles Forsythe could think of only one

refrain.

refrain.

Five...seven...five...

Five...seven...five...

Five...seven...five...

Five...seven...five...

***

***

Half flying, half sprinting, the Atavian rounded the corner of Merchant Street

Half flying, half sprinting, the Atavian rounded the corner of Merchant Street

feathered heap before Gunther Arngrim's little shop. Gunther looked up and noted

feathered heap before Gunther Arngrim's little shop. Gunther looked up and noted

that he wore nothing below the waist.

that he wore nothing below the waist.

"Pants...emergency..." the Atavian gasped, chest heaving.

"Pants...emergency..." the Atavian gasped, chest heaving.

Gunther apprised the situation. There was a man without pants. Here was a man

Gunther apprised the situation. There was a man without pants. Here was a man

who made pants. This was a shop that sold pants.

who made pants. This was a shop that sold pants.

"You want to buy my pants," Gunther decided. He brushed off a downy white

"You want to buy my pants," Gunther decided. He brushed off a downy white

feather where it had settled on his shoulder and shook out a pair of black

feather where it had settled on his shoulder and shook out a pair of black

sealskin trousers.

sealskin trousers.

"You could say that," panted the Atavian, tossing a hefty bag of sovereigns at

"You could say that," panted the Atavian, tossing a hefty bag of sovereigns at

something indistinctly from the direction in which the Atavian had arrived,

something indistinctly from the direction in which the Atavian had arrived,

getting louder and angrier by the moment.

getting louder and angrier by the moment.

Gunther's beard twitched almost imperceptibly, his expression invisible

Gunther's beard twitched almost imperceptibly, his expression invisible

underneath. "A victim of fashion," he said as the Atavian turned and fled in his

underneath. "A victim of fashion," he said as the Atavian turned and fled in his

baggy new sealskin pants, half sprinting, half flying, trying futilely to hold

baggy new sealskin pants, half sprinting, half flying, trying futilely to hold

[[Category:Bardic Winners]][[Category:2010 Bardics]]

[[Category:Bardic Winners]][[Category:2010 Bardics]]