The Extraordinary Adventurer's Guide to the Most Certain Demise of Scaled Beasts

By: Leyliah Posted on: December 25, 2011

"The Extraordinary Adventurer's Guide to the Most Certain Demise of Scaled Beasts", or "How to Slay a Dragon", by unknown author.

Part One – Becoming a Dragonslayer.

Often overlooked in other similar encyclopedias, this is actually one of the most important steps to becoming a successful hunter of dragons. No single man, rajamala, or troll is born a dragonslayer; this is something you become through hard work, dedication, and motivation. Vengeance in particular is a great way to get in the right mood for such matters. Perhaps a dragon collected tribute from your childhood town, terrorizing the whole countryside unless paid an annual sum of gold? Perhaps a roaming dragon came down from the clear skies to snatch away your favourite maiden, keeping your wife-to-be holed up in some remote, gloomy castle? Or perhaps a dragon simply burnt your favourite kitten, Sir Fluffalot, into a tender yet sublimely delicious snack? Now is the time to get payback. Pick up a sword and start training, learn how to strike, cut and bleed your enemy, learn how to summon the vast and fierce powers of the elements - or in the case of Jesters - learn how to thwap those menacing dragons with your trusted blackjack. Oh, yeah!

Part Two – What to Wear.

This does not even matter. A dragon's talons will cut through any shield or piece of armour, no matter how thick. Your normal, average, everyday blade could not even pierce the thinnest of dragonscales and arrows would simply bounce of the monster's thick hides. Personally, I - the author- would wear something stylish. Like a fedora hat. Those of you who still truly intend to combat a dragon should visit Delos to purchase a few useful artefacts before heading out. Actually, get them all.

Part Three – Finding the Dragon.

Locating a real, living, and breathing dragon is actually much harder than the average, uneducated citizen would be able to comprehend. Some might follow the sound of wailing women and crying children, thinking this noise must certainly be the work of fiendish, vile serpents. Alas, how wrong they would be! Chances are that all they would find is a Mhaldorian raiding party, forfeiting the opportunity to find their true, draconic nemesis. Indeed, the best way to track a dragon is to follow the blazing trail of burning villages.

Part Four – Slaying the Beast.

Find an opportunity to run your sword - or whatever other possible instrument of destruction you might possess - through the dragon's heart.

Part Five – The Return of a Hero.

Congratulations, you have finally fulfilled your life's ambitions and killed your very first dragon! Watch as admirers throw themselves at your feet in awe! Tell the story of your heroic, selfless deed a thousand times to all your newfound friends! Bask in the glory! Make sure your house and city understands to appreciate your courage and can-do spirit! For in a few measly months, no one will even remember your name, and you will be be off to land another trophy.

For such is the endless, perpetual toil of an adventurer's life.

The end.