View source for Cocktails in Shangri-la with Sarapis

By: Aztecia
Posted on: February 04, 2004

Disclaimer!!!

The following deaths are true. The conversations with Sarapis are false.
The topics discussed with Sarapis are true. Claims that Sarapis wears
ladies clothing are false...

....so He says.

<18 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of an old rat.

"Rawr! Ima kick your ass, rattie. You are going DOWN!"

Aztecia continues swinging at the rat, offering him a main course of abuse and
mockery, not even noticing her ethereal arm is going straight through him.

"I am invincible!!!"

Aztecia keeps flailing wildly, gradually slowing down to peer around her,
before coming to a complete halt.

"Ummmm," Aztecia says uncertainly.

"Where did my health go? Why can't I do anything?"

Aztecia raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"What da'ya mean, Pray for salvation??"

Jinxsta tells you, "Where are you? You died."

Aztecia shouts "Oi!" at the top of her voice.

"I am dead?!?!"

Aztecia whimpers like a wounded puppy.

"Bah. Why can't I reply to Jinxsta? What do I do? What do I DO?!"

Aztecia runs around madly, flapping her arms in a blind panic.

Jinxsta tells you, "Um, you better pray."

Aztecia tries repeatedly to pick up the large amount of gold, she dropped.

Aztecia wails like an old woman.

Aztecia creases her brow in a frown.

Aztecia peers at a corpse of Aztecia unscrupulously.

Aztecia pokes a corpse of Aztecia in the belly.

Aztecia ponders a corpse of Aztecia's profile, wondering if it would make a
suitable subject for a portrait.

"Wow… I am kinda cute, even as a cadavar."

Jinxsta tells you, "PRAY!"

"Eep!", Aztecia screams in fright.

Aztecia flaps her arms madly.

"Ok, ok!"

The light seems to fade and darkness envelops your consciousness...

Aztecia peers down the long dark hall, not willing to find out what is at the
end. She grabs onto a while marble pillar, as an invisible force starts to draw
her down the hall. She and the force battle for a while, the force trying to
pull her, as she holds onto the pole for dear life…death… whatever. The force
wins.

"Eek!" Aztecia shouts in fright.

Aztecia digs her fingers into the floor as she is dragged along it, her nails
making horrendous screeching noises, which echo off the walls. Through her
terror, she does not see the beautiful murals on the walls.

Aztecia eventually grows silent, as the force drags her backwards down the
hall. From afar, she hears empyreal voices singing in harmony and disarray,
pure and chaotic, from beyond 2 giant doors at the end of the hall.

Aztecia cowers in a corner, whimpering.

As she gets closer, they grow louder and louder, in praise of Someone or
someTHING behind the giant doors before her. Not wanting to find out what is
beyond those doors, she starts writhing and squealing like a stuck pig, in her
attempts to get away from the force holding her.

An invisible forces cuffs Aztecia on the side of her head.

An exasperated booming voice rings in your head, "Oh, stop it.."

Aztecia cowers in a corner, whimpering.

"Can I go now? I really am looking forward to a cocktail on a fluffy white
cloud. Oo can my halo be a bit tarnished, cause I am not really a good girl.
Oh... and do wings come in black? Blacks my colour, you know…"

A booming voice intones, "Child of Mine, enter and approach Me."

"I'd rather not, if that's ok...."

An exasperated booming voice rings in your head, "Bah! Will you just let Me do
My thing??"

"Meep."

Aztecia pipes down.

The doors swing open, and sitting on a throne of epic proportions is a very
very large being, draped in long grey robes, His face obscured.

Aztecia murmurs, "Yo..look..li…a.Jedi"

A being in grey robes leans forward and peers at Aztecia.

His voices boom, "No OOC."

"Meep."

His voice booms, "Just pipe down, and let Me say My speel."

Aztecia twitches spasmodically.

"….k."

He takes a deep breath, having said this millions of times before. He has been
practicing saying it all in one breath, for something to do.

His voice booms, very quickly, "Aztecia, know that I know you…"

"Ummmm," Aztecia says uncertainly.

His voice booms, "Quiet girl!"

"Meep."

The empyreal voices stop singing for a throat lozenge break, as He continues
"…you can not deceive Me, as I know your thoughts before you even form them…"

He leans forward down to Aztecia quickly. "No, there is no damn snackbar!"

Aztecia averts her thoughts away from food.

He sighs, "Yes, Aztecia. One day you will be a successful tour guide."

Aztecia beams broadly.

A deep sigh shudders the heavens as He continues, "You are here because your
mortal body suffered grave harm...."

"It was a freakin' rat! How can they hit so hard?!"

A giant ethereal sock flies out from His hand, stuffing itself in her mouth.

"Mrmph!"

Sarapis smirks.

He laughingly says, "I have always wanted to do that. Thank you, dear Aztecia.
Sure does relieve some stress."

Aztecia's eyes bug out of her head in wonder.

He exclaims, "Oh your right, how rude of Me. Allow Me to introduce Myself, I am
Sarapis, the Logos, Creator of All!"

Sarapis strikes a pose.

Creation itself rises in praise of the Logos, Creator of All! Uber-woot!

Comprehension flashes across Aztecia's face.

Aztecia purses her lips, deep in thought.

Sarapis yells, "No I do NOT wear ladies clothing! The Black Boar is a dirty
liar!"

Aztecia quickly ducks down.

He continues, "Bah! You can go now."

"Shoo! Shoo!" Sarapis says to Aztecia as He wave her away.

"Eh?" Aztecia says curiously.

Sarapis peers at Aztecia unscrupulously.

Sarapis says, "You don't really think you are going to stay here do you? Your
life has just begun little one. I don't have the time or patience to babysit
you. But do not fear, I suspect we will meet again.. a lot… in the future."

The heavens shudder.

Aztecia beams broadly.

Sarapis leans down and picks Aztecia up with His thumb and forefinger. She
screeches and flails, like a mouse caught by a Jester.

Sarapis rolls His eyes.

He says, "This is the last bit, chill out."

He peers into Aztecia's eyes with His inscrutable piercing orbs and utters one
word, "Grow."

"Um… but the average woman stops growing at the age of 18 years o…"

Sarapis flings her out an open window. Aztecia finds herself outside a cave,
she peers around hesitantly.

Aztecia pokes herself in the belly.

"Oooooooooh!" Aztecia says, eyes wide with wonder.

"I am alive... alive!!!"

Throwing her hands in the air, Aztecia tosses her head back and laughs
sadistically.

<20 years old>

Caled says, "Have you tried weed and drinking tequila?"

Aztecia shakes her head.

Caled rubs his hands together as an evil grin creeps across his face.

Caled practically force feeds Aztecia with weed and 20 shots of tequila.

"You are the best mentor ever!!"

Caled doubles over in laughter, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Aztecia doubles over in laughter, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Aztecia sways back and forth.

"Smi*hic*lies! So perdy."

Being unconscious, Aztecia falls over.

Aztecia has been slain by the might of heavy alcohol and weed intake.

"Caled you eijiot! You got me killed."

Jinxsta tells you, "Are you ok?"

"Oops!" Caled exclaims with a bashful expression.

Caled says, "Ha*hic*ng on, I's swill takes * hic* you to the tre…"

Being unconscious, Caled falls over.

Aztecia rolls her eyes.

"Bah. What was it I had to do again?"

Aztecia tries to Pray for Solution, Pray for Saving and Pray for Salivation –
this is only because of her terrible memory, and the fact she is drunk and
stoned out of her gourd.

Jinxsta tells you, "Pray!"

Aztecia taps her foot with mild impatience.

Jinxsta tells you, "Pray for salvation!"

Comprehension flashes across Aztecia's face.

The light seems to fade and darkness envelops your consciousness...

Aztecia stares down the long hallway.

"Wooooooooow….."

Aztecia stands in a daze (and weed induced stupor). Suddenly, an invisible
force tugs on her impatiently. She is slowly pulled down the hall, her feet
unmoving as she grins stupidly around her.

Aztecia stares implacably at a detailed mural.

Aztecia nods her head slowly, looking very wise.

"Woooow….man."

Aztecia peers around at the murals on the other side of the hallway.

Aztecia stares implacably at a detailed mural.

Aztecia nods her head slowly, looking very wise.

"Woooow… man."

Aztecia purses her lips, deep in thought.

Aztecia tries to walk back down the hallway to stare at the murals again. The
force pulls on her roughly and she sprawls to the ground, landing on her
stomach.

"Weeeeeeeeeee…!"

Aztecia is pulled along the ground to the feet of Sarapis, drumming her fingers
impatiently with one hand, head resting in the palm of the other, looking
bored.

He begins talking, while she carefully inspects the floor for dust.

Sarapis rolls His eyes.

He picks her up into the palm of His huge divine hand and says, ""You Mortals
really should learn about moderation."

Aztecia stares implacably at Sarapis.

Sarapis says, "Aztecia, understand that I know you…"

Aztecia stares implacably at Sarapis.

Sarapis continues, "…you can not deceive me, for I know your thoughts before
you even form them…"

Aztecia stares implacably at Sarapis.

Sarapis mutters, "Not that there is a damn thing happening in that brain of
yours at the moment."

Sarapis knocks Aztecia on the forehead, issuing an echoing "clonk clonk clonk"
noise.

Aztecia stares implacably at Sarapis.

Sarapis wraps up his speel, as Caled is dragged into the throneroom, swimming
through the air.

Caled exclaims, "Weeeeee!"

Sarapis rolls His eyes.

Sarapis says to Aztecia, "Grow, k?"

Aztecia giggles happily.

As Aztecia finds herself fading to darkness, Sarapis turns his attention to
Caled who is idly picking at a loose thread of His grey robes.

The heavens heave a huge sigh.

<25 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of a buckawn.

"Bah!" Aztecia retorts disgustedly.

Jinxsta tells you, "Where are you?"

Aztecia rolls her eyes.

"Why does he do that, it's not like he can help me."

Pray for Salva…

You feel your soul drawn suddenly back into your body, and when you open your
eyes, you see Sephora looking at you through the haze of the heatless Flame of
Yggdrasil which surrounds you.

"Ummmm," Aztecia says uncertainly.

"Dude?" Aztecia says, with a puzzling expression on her face.

Sephora says, "I rezzed you."

Aztecia blinks.

"How?"

Sephora points accusingly at the Flame of Yggdrasil.

Aztecia peers at the Flame of Yggdrasil unscrupulously.

"Ooook…"

The heavens utter a sigh of relief.

<29 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of Sephora.

Sephora says, "oops."

Aztecia shouts "Oi!" at the top of her voice.

Jinxsta tells you, "Um…"

<35 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of Proficy

"Eep!", Aztecia screams in fright.

<36 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of Proficy

Aztecia shouts "Oi!" at the top of her voice.

<37 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of Proficy

"….I hate you."

You feel your soul drawn suddenly back into your body, and when you open your
eyes, you see Proficy looking at you through the haze of the heatless Flame of
Yggdrasil which surrounds you.

Proficy gives Aztecia a lecherous smooch.

You gag and splutter.

<42 years old>

Aztecia has been slain by the might of a Death Knight.

Jinxsta has left you message #4336.

Aztecia rolls her eyes.

"He should know I can't read messages when I am dead."

"Meep, there's noone else down here. Better pray. Wow… haven't done that in
years…"

The light seems to fade and darkness envelops your consciousness...

Aztecia arrives in the temple, and before the force has a chance to start
pulling her, she wanders down the hallway, for the first time, actually
understanding and contemplating the murals fully... so she reckons.

The empyreal voices sing melodically in praise of Him, as she enters the
throneroom.

Sarapis smiles broadly at Aztecia, as she kneels before Him, respectfully.

He says, "Greetings Aztecia. I have been watching you. You have grown over the
years. Matured, no. Grown and blossomed, indeed."

Aztecia wriggles about happily as she catches sight of Sarapis.

Aztecia romps playfully in circles around Sarapis.

"Hiya Mr. S! Yeah, I have been all good and stuff. And guess what??! I am a
tour guide!"

Sarapis smirks.

He says, "Uh yeah, I know. Firstly, you take groups of noisy people to My
temple all the time, it's a headache. Secondly, you already told Me when you
saw Me at the temple, remember? Your gargoyle snuggled Me."

Sarapis twitches spasmodically.

Aztecia beams broadly.

"Well, Flappy thinks highly of You, Sir. You know, he wore a costume of You for
5 years? He thinks You are super."

Aztecia creases her brow in a frown.

"He doesn't like Clementius though. Clementius scared him away once. I think
Clementius is wicked cool though. You too, of cour….."

A giant ethereal sock flies out from Sarapis' hand, stuffing itself in
Aztecia's mouth.

"Mrmph!"

Sarapis says, "Quiet, girl. You really talk too much. Let Me say My speel and
you can go, ok?"

Aztecia crosses her arms and sulks wildly.

Sarapis' eyes sparkle with amusement.

Sarapis smiles, and says, "No, You can not stay. Not until you fully understand
the meaning of your existence. Then, and only then, will you be allowed to stay
here, by My side, drinking cocktails on a fluffy white cloud."

Sarapis mutters, "Not for another 300 years, if I have My way."

Aztecia wails like an old woman.
[[Category:Bardic Merit Awards]][[Category:2004 Bardics]]